7/8/2018
Something I was thinking about today is that I don't enjoy life. Whatever I do, I don't enjoy, or if I do enjoy it, I feel guilty about it. I feel guilty for not always working, and when I do work, I usually feel guilty for not doing enough. There are rare moments when I've pushed myself all day and allow myself to feel like I actually accomplished something. Maybe that's the thing. I just have to push myself all the time.
Today, I laid in bed and watched Dr. Who, which is not actually a very good show. It looks like it was written by children. The characters run around all the time, and whenever there's some actual tension or character development, they immediately dispel it with some slapstick bullshit or an impossible save. There are even music tags for the jokes. It's half-a-step from Benny Hill. It's like Superman. There's nothing at stake because he's invincible, so it's just about waiting until the situation is over. Also, they have the same villains over and over and over.
Anyway, I feel guilty about watching TV in bed. I got up and made some breakfast--bacon, eggs, and toast. Which is better than not eating.
I think I feel guilty because I lived and Mom didn't. Also, all the suffering in the world, some of which I benefit from. But guilt accomplishes nothing other than paralysis.
Yesterday, I revised 57 pages of the cruise ship book. I found a lot of plot problems--science problems--I have to resolve. I'll try to do another 50 today, practice guitar, and make a plan for the week. I want to get this book done this week and sent off. I also want to start the next Bunnies book, but I need to revise the first one. I did dishes and cleaned up after I cooked.
1. Practice guitar, one riff
2. Revise at least 50 pages
Today, I laid in bed and watched Dr. Who, which is not actually a very good show. It looks like it was written by children. The characters run around all the time, and whenever there's some actual tension or character development, they immediately dispel it with some slapstick bullshit or an impossible save. There are even music tags for the jokes. It's half-a-step from Benny Hill. It's like Superman. There's nothing at stake because he's invincible, so it's just about waiting until the situation is over. Also, they have the same villains over and over and over.
Anyway, I feel guilty about watching TV in bed. I got up and made some breakfast--bacon, eggs, and toast. Which is better than not eating.
I think I feel guilty because I lived and Mom didn't. Also, all the suffering in the world, some of which I benefit from. But guilt accomplishes nothing other than paralysis.
Yesterday, I revised 57 pages of the cruise ship book. I found a lot of plot problems--science problems--I have to resolve. I'll try to do another 50 today, practice guitar, and make a plan for the week. I want to get this book done this week and sent off. I also want to start the next Bunnies book, but I need to revise the first one. I did dishes and cleaned up after I cooked.
1. Practice guitar, one riff
2. Revise at least 50 pages
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